Once upon a time there was a cray bitch named The Swaller. She joined a knitting group, and for a while all was fine. I was one of the knitters, and as I am generally pretty easy going, somehow ended up being a friend of The Swaller. It was fine at first… we chatted online and hung out, my BF and I went to her house, met her husband. Seriously, it was all good. I genuinely liked her.
As time went by some of her behaviours started to raise my eyebrows a bit. She went on for hours one night about how she thought her husband might have aspberger’s syndrome, but when I met him and saw their house I didn’t see any signs of this from his behaviour. Shrug… ok, well she knows him better than I do.. moving on.
Now she’s talking about how she was cured of fibromayalgia? I didn’t know there was a cure for that? Ummmm… weird, but whatever…
A frantic instant message from her.. ZOMG I MIGHT HAVE LUPUS! ZOMG ZOMG FLAIL WHAT DO I DO? wellll… hmm. This is odd but you don’t seem sick to me. Why do you think you have lupus? Did you see a doctor? No? No you do not have a butterfly rash, your skin is very clear and perfect actually? WTF?
I talked to her about my social anxiety once. I don’t know how chronic it is but I have serious issues being around people I don’t know, etc etc. A day later a post on her livejournal talking about her… social anxiety issues? WTF again? Whatever… so weird..
Meanwhile people in the group are starting to compare stories… turns out I’m finding that nobody really likes her, but at this point they still are at least polite to her when she shows up at the group, and me, I’m easy to get along with so I take it into account but I shrug it off.
(This is about the point in time she started to research mineral makeup, just for reference. A certain mineral makeup company started to take off just shortly after this story went down)
Now she’s talking about PCOS, and my friend “Lanie” tells her of an amazing doctor that deals with PCOS, and gets her an appointment. Now she’s saying she went to the appointment, and yes she does have PCOS and the doctor has put her on Metformin… ok, good for her? Time goes on.. boring things happen here and there, then she starts posting in her blog and talking at the knitting group about how this doctor who is supposed to be top in the field dealing with PCOS will not increase her Metformin dosage even though she personally thinks he should because she’s done ALL THE RESEARCH and plus this nurse practitioner she knows said so too. She says this to Lanie, and Lanie is a really sweet and outspoken person. Lanie expresses concern that The Swaller should think she knows better than a doctor, and that messing with her medication dosages is a dangerous game. The Swaller does not seem to react too much, and life goes on… The next day there is a post on her blog about the horrible knitter who yelled at her and made her cry, with comments from people who were not there telling her not to let the horrible, mean people get her down. I guess the post was filtered, but someone from the group was included (besides me) and that someone told Lanie about this post, and suddenly everyone in the knitting group unfriended her from Livejournal, because they knew that this story was a flat out lie, and everyone really liked Lanie and felt she did not deserve that treatment. I was The Swaller’s only friend from the group at the time, so when she noticed that she had been unfriended she asked me what was going on.
I did NOT want to be in the middle of this, but what could I do? I’m not gonna lie to the girl. I told her.. “Everyone found out about the LJ post you made about Lanie yelling at you, and well… Lanie did not yell at you and you did not cry, so people are pretty pissed off”
She FREAKED OUT. That post was PRIVATE, who TOLD Lanie? ZOMG!! (mind you, she said nothing about why she flat out lied about what happened, just freaked out that her “private post” was leaked) Now.. it wasn’t me who told Lanie, mostly because I wasn’t the one who even saw the post first, and I told her it wasn’t me, but suddenly I find myself unfriended. No message to me about it, no nothing. She’s unfriended me because I was the only one left in the knitting group who had not unfriended her first I guess.
Up to this point, I was still pretty much willing to be friends with her. As I mentioned before, I’m easy going. My friends have flaws, I am aware of them, I work around them. I’d take her medical bullshit with an eyeroll and a grain of salt, but this high school level reactionary drama? Fuck dat. I’m .. let’s just say not a kid anymore.
The next day I get a friend request from her, she’s had time to calm down… I had not. We had WORDS. I was so pissed off. I called her out on all the weird medical conditions, said some pretty mean things (being that I was, you know, pissed off) and she cried and said that she just unfriended because she has trust issues and when the post got leaked she had a knee jerk reaction to lock everything down. I told her that the unfriending was really just the straw that broke the camel’s back, I had put up with so much of her odd behavior, had been the only one who stuck with her through it, and she dumped me without a word at the first hiccup. Nope. I was done. She told me… UGH… she told me “but but but.. you were always like a mother figure to me!”
A… mother figure? I’m MAYBE 12 years older than her. I’d have been ok with “big sister” but MOTHER FIGURE? EW! SERIOUSLY EW! That was pretty much it for me. (One small edit, Dec. 25 2014: Talking to her ex husband I have come to find out that this comment was deliberately made in an attempt to tweak me due to what she perceived as me being uncomfortable with my motherhood. This actually makes her more a stone cold manipulator than I had initially realized. The funny thing about it is that it DID tweak me, but not for the reasons she thought, I just am self conscious about my age because my boyfriend and so many of my friends are younger than me Stupid bitch… lol )
So obviously she stopped coming to the knitting group, and it’s been .. I dunno, over 5 years since then. The stories about her became legendary in the group, passed down to new members as they came along. I eventually left the group and moved across the country, but I imagine the girls who are still there probably still occasionally talk about the Legend of The Swaller.