I don’t know what to say, or how to feel right now. I just found out that a very dear person from my past has committed suicide. I hadn’t spoken with him in years and it seems that he didn’t talk to anyone about whatever was troubling him so badly, so I don’t know why he did it. It’s affecting me more than I would have thought, because it was such a long time ago and I most likely would never have spoken to him again. I haven’t cried but I feel like I could start any time.
I wish I could have told him how wonderful and smart and sweet he was, and that whatever was wrong wasn’t worth taking it that far. I wish he had talked to someone about it, even if it couldn’t have been me. I wish I could have told him that while I couldn’t love him the way he wanted, I did love him very much and I wish so much that he would have listened and that he was still alive right now.
But wishing isn’t going to bring him back, and it’s too late to say goodbye. I hope that at least the pain is over now, wherever he is. Goodbye Kevin… I’m sorry.